Amys Testimony

My name is Amy Rose Csorba and I am 21 years old. In my family we’ve always known and talked about God. We used to go to church all the time but there came to a point in my life when I was younger that we all got really busy and church kind of faded away for us. Growing up wasn’t easy for me. My home life wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and I was bullied a lot for my weight. I started to feel really worthless. I could think of a thousand flashbacks that bring me back to the days being called “fat” “obese” “ugly” “overweight” and “not good enough“

But It wasn’t until those moments of hatred and bullying that I started to realize I didn’t really feel like a person or that I had any value. It was a very lonely feeling. I even started to second guess if God was with me.

“Could I really trust him if he’s letting all these people be so cruel to me?”

I’ve always been the type of person to try and make other people feel better. To tell them they’re exactly who they need to be, and they dont need to change anything about themselves to make other people happy, but I didn’t really believe it was true myself, I was less good at taking my own advice. I would tell girls to never compare themselves to other girls because God made them look the way they do, GOD made you who you’re for a reason, however, I would turn my back and compare myself to others too.

I remember being in grade 8 and looking through a whole bunch of beautiful, stunning, and what I beleived was perfect girls social media pages. I would compare myself to them. How I looked in a bikini verses how they looked. I would beat myself up everyday for looking the way that I did. One day I decided to make a change. I started a weight loss journey that started off really good for my health, I was 210 pounds and ended at 149 pounds. I finally felt proud of myself. However, rumours started to spread around my school saying,

“Amy starves herself”

I wasn’t happier, I didn’t love myself, and I still saw the 210 pound Amy in the mirror. I remember one day in grade 10 I looked at myself in the mirror and felt proud of myself for the first time. I decided to post an “ask me a question” on my Snapchat because everyone else my age was doing it too, and I always just wanted to fit in. All the questions/responses were,

“How does it feel to starve yourself?” “Do you eat?” “How many more days can you live without food?”

I remember reading these and crying myself to sleep. I couldn’t believe that people were saying these things about me. I worked so hard to look the way that I did, I didn’t understand why people didn’t notice that. Funny how the comments people make about you really change how you see yourself too, isn’t it?

I remember after that day, I started feeling very defeated. I actually started to “starve myself”

I ate 2 apples, 1 banana, 1 chicken breast, and 1 litre of green tea every single day for 3 months.

I started noticing people respecting me more. I started getting more compliments like,

”Amy every time I see you, you get so much smaller!”

“You look so good! Tell me your ways!”

“Amy, I’m sorry for bullying you, you look so stunning!”

”Amy now that you lost weight, I can see myself dating you.”

”Amy want to go on a date? I know I used to call you fat, but I never meant it.”

”Happy birthday Amy! Good thing you’re not fat anymore haha!”

Honestly, I would be lying to all of you if I said it didn’t make me feel good in the beginning. I loved all the attention I was suddenly getting from everyone, my crush finally liked me, and I had a lot more friends. But, it faded away very quickly.

It’s wierd because even though I wasn’t getting bullied as much as I used too, I felt even more worthless than I did when I was bigger. I felt way less than everyone else. I realized that if I didn’t lose all this weight, all of these people wouldn’t be so nice to me. Even though my heart, and who I was as a person never changed, because I was smaller, I was suddenly an amazing person. When I was larger, I was a terrible person.

See, that’s the thing. Over the course of losing weight I got caught up in worrying way too much about what I looked like. All my insecurities didn’t go away like I thought they would. It didn’t change who I was as a person or how I felt, it just changed the way I looked, and that’s all that mattered to everyone and to me. My relationship with God wasn’t great, in fact I didn’t involve God in my life at the time. All I cared about was how I looked.

In grade 10 I came across Southside Church. I used to go to Southside when I was younger but I didn’t really remember it because I was in elementary school at the time. It was sort of the beginning of COVID 19 when I began watching/going to Southside Church again. I came across Southside’s online easter service in 2019. Pastor Mike was talking about fighting from victory, how I didn’t have to fight for anything because Jesus had already won it all for me. I didn’t have to look or be a certain way for anyone. That sermon made me fall in love with Southside Church. As soon as church in person arrived I FELL IN LOVE with Southsides worship, sermons, and the way they care for our community. I was so inspired I started serving at Southside Church.

Serving completely changed my life. Honestly, it wasn’t until June 2020 until I had a true, authentic, and real relationship with God. I’ve always known God, trusted God, and prayed to God, but once I started serving for my church, God shined through me. He changed the way I saw myself, others, and life. Ever since I started serving, I’ve learnt so much. It has not only widely grown my faith in God but it truly has multiplied my efforts long term because when I look at these kids i’m reminded that when you love and teach them on Sunday, you are also influencing generations to come. These kids might become parents and church leaders themselves one day, and that encourages me to be a strong leader to them every day.

Over the last couples of years I have been trying to learn how to be comforatble in my own skin because It has always been hard for me to accept myself. . See here’s the thing, you have to LEARN to love the Temple God gave you, but you have to REMEMBER to take care of it too. Sometimes it’s hard to do one, so let alone both can be very difficult. Over the last year, I’ve been trying to sit down with myself and set a plan of how I can take care of my body, and love it at the same time. I think that is key to loving who God made you to be.

In summer 2023 I went to bible school in Greece it was the most life changing experience in my life. I learnt so much and met the most amazing people. I would say my relationship with Jesus grows more and more everyday.

Before I close, I want to finish off with the real question,

“Why did you choose to believe in Christ?”

I chose Jesus Christ because I wouldn’t be the person I am today without him. As I mentioned above, I got bullied a lot for my weight, but, that wasn’t the only thing I struggled with. I struggled with things at home too, and things I had to see and hear that I used to wish never would’ve happened to me. Things that scarred me, and changed me as a person. But, shortly after I realized that those things that happened to me seriously made me stronger. God put me through those situations and events so I could be the Amy Csorba that I am today. God put me through those hard and difficult times because if he didn’t I probably wouldn’t care for others as much as I do today, GOD allowed bad things to happen to me because he wanted me to grow, because He is the merciful and a loving God. When I started asking God “What are you trying to teach me?” Instead of “Why?” My life changed forever, because even though it may feel like your world is crumbling down on you, God hasn’t forgotten or left you to deal with it alone, even though it feels like no one is with you, God sent Jesus Christ to earth for you, because God never leaves anyone behind. We may not understand everything in life now but God does, and God wants to loves you, God wants what’s best for you, not just today, but for eternity, and to me that is something worth believing in, more then anything else.

Today I continue to go to Southside church, lead a small group, and pursue my relationship with Jesus.